Tag Archives: love advice

Hannah Hart Beat

Love, Dating & A Few Other Things

Hannah Hart Beat

Hi Hart Beat. How are you? How was your Thanksgiving? Did you do anything fun? Is anyone reading this? Hello? Are you there? Jkjk, I know there are a few of you out there and you have no idea how much I appreciate you. My book is coming along and I’m so used to writing to a readerless void right now that it’s hard to imagine you, a physical, thinking being, sitting there on the subway, or drinking your coffee, or sneaking a break at work, or lying in bed with your phone hovered over your squinting eyes, reading these words that I’m typing right now. Hi.

What’s new enough with me to warrant a post instead of another thousand words to my manuscript? Other than the fact that I miss writing to you, it’s also because I’ve been thinking of things that I thought maybe others in the internet world could relate to. That sticky wicket that I know you can relate to is love. Dating, relationships, and love. As I write this now I’ve been single for over six months. Back in May, I decided that I would intentionally not date until Thanksgiving and/or Christmas. On Thanksgiving day last week, I oscillated back and forth between which date I had actually said and about if I am ready or even want to date now. I mean, I like dating. I like going out for dinner and flirting. Actually, I love flirting. Which begs the question, why not date?

Why not. If you were sitting here with me you would have just heard an earth-shatteringly deep sigh. The truth Hart Beat? I’m happy single. I like that I don’t have to have an excuse to be selfish. I like that I don’t have to text anyone goodnight. I like that I can wear whatever I want and watch whatever I want on Netflix. I like that when I got a dog I could name him whatever I wanted, even if it was a rediculous name like Mateo. I like not compromising. How long do I want to be single? I guess it depends. It depends on life and the universe and fate and reality. What I do know is that the most important thing to me in the entire universe right now is the G.D. book that begs to be poured out of me every day. That has priority. That’s the thing that keeps me up at night. Not some guy.

Is this all TMI? IDK. Probs. (My bff Jill?) If it’s too much just file it under “this is a blog I’ll never read again” and I’ll see you some other place Hart Beat. If not, see you back here in a couple of weeks.

And p.s., because I like you and I do want you to come back, here are a few other things on my mind lately:

This cover of Capital Cities song Safe and Sound in an acoustic version that makes my heart swell. I know a few of you out there in the internet world get a little aroused when listening to these kinds of covers. You’re welcome.

This 2007 essay by Zadie Smith about writing. Fail Better is just the kind of thing that I’ve needed to read this week.

This post from NYMag. I love that it’s not photoshopped, click the little arrow on the right to see how it was made.

The movie Lady BirdWhich I LOVED SO MUCH. I’m also excited to see a few other movies in the next few weeks (Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, MissouriThe Shape of WaterCall Me By Your NameThe Post). It truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

The Scandinavian Spa in Montreal that my mom and I went to on Thanksgiving day. It’s silent and has three hot and cold areas. The idea is to go from one to the other. Hands down one of the best things I’ve done in a while.

The photo up top posted by Sézane on Instagram.

Hannah Hart Beat - Five Languages of Love

The Five Languages of Love

Hannah Hart Beat - Five Languages of Love

Hola, Hart Beat. How’s your week going? I was in Vermont earlier this week and am back in Massachusettes now. I’m looking forward to getting a few things from my summer bucket list checked off. I think swimming and reading are in order this weekend. Plus, I just finished my book of the week and need to start a new one. 🙄

Meanwhile, in the land of the internet, I’ve been mulling over a conversation I had with two of my best childhood friends earlier this summer. Have you heard of the five languages of love? My friend Alli told us about the theory and we talked about it for a while over some wine.

The theory is based on a book written by Gary Chapman that argues there are five “love languages” that we, as humans, use to communicate love to each other. According to Chapman, each person has one primary and one secondary love language. The five languages are:

  1. Words of affirmation
  2. Quality time
  3. Receiving gifts
  4. Acts of service
  5. Physical touch

Furthermore, Chapman says that people usually look for love in the same “language” that they themselves give love. For example, if I’m a person that shows my love by words of affirmation then I look for love in words of affirmation back to me. It makes sense, right? We look for love in the same ways that we naturally give it.

When I was talking with my girlfriends it was so amazing to hear about the different ways we all crave love. One person’s “I love you” face to face is another person’s act of washing the dishes without having been asked or bringing flowers home. It’s an interesting idea. And, it might help in relationships, even if you’re not cut and dry one of the five. The chances of us finding a partner who expresses love in the same way we do is rare which means that you might have to look hard for someone’s signs of affection. Your partner might be telling you they love you in a different language and maybe with this idea, it could be easier totell.

P.S. Love in (literal) other languages and how to say sweetheart in seven more.

Photo from Lost in Translation.

Hannah Hart Beat

Looking for the One

Hannah Hart Beat

Hey Hart Beat. A bit ago I shared the exciting news that one of our favorite advice columns Dear Sugar was coming out with a podcast of the same name. One of my resolutions this year was to read more actual books which has been great but means I’ve been falling behind on some of my favorite podcasts, like Dear Sugar.

This morning on the train I caught up and listened to the two most recent episodes of the show. I immediately knew I had to share them with you here. The episodes are a part one and part two of a discussion on the idea of looking for “the one.”

In the first episode, “The Anxiety“, Cheryl and Steve talk about all the letters the receive from women asking for their advice on finding true love. The women who write in they say, have everything going for them in their careers, friendships and personal growth. What the women say they are missing is finding someone to share their life with and are wondering if and how they will ever find “the one.”

The second episode, “The Reality“, focuses on the scientific research that women actually do have a hard time finding men to couple up with since the data confirms there are less and less “available” men in the world.

They are both so eye opening, Hart Beat. I may be in a relationship but I know that for years I was always wondering this very question, will I find the one? And, more importantly, how?? I have so many amazing single lady friends and it baffles me daily that they’re single. While I strongly believe there is nothing to be ashamed and nothing wrong with being a single woman, that sentiment only matters if you are happy and want to be single. If you’re like me and countless other women I know, coupling up (for whatever reason) is something desired.

The podcast episodes definitely don’t tell you exactly how to find the one, or even confirm that there is one person for everyone (something that I don’t think is true either). But, it is so wonderful to hear Cheryl and Steve talk about this theme. I hope you like listening to them too.

P.S. Some dating advice I’ve written on the blog here and here.

Update: The Sugars did a Part Three of the series called “Reimagining the Spinster” where they speak with Kate Bolick, author of Spinster. Listen to it if you haven’t!

Baba Yaga advice

Advice from Baba Yaga

Alice Gao

Hey Hart Beat. If you know me and this here blog then you know how much I love good advice. From Dear Sugar, famous artists and the occasional Norwegian man, I’ll take it all and so, I was very happy to discover recently the advice column Ask Baba Yaga, from one of my favorite blogs The Hairpin. Baba Yaga is the brain child of Taisia Kitaiskaia, a writer and poet, and the author takes great skill in answering people’s questions in the spirit of a wise old.. guru? Clan leader? I can’t figure out the tone exactly but I love it. With questions ranging from “How do I stop hating everyone?” to “Am I watching too much television?” there’s a question and answer just for you. Here are a few of my favorites. What would you ask Baba Yaga, Hart Beat?

Will I ever fall in love again?Baba Yaga advice

How can I stop eating sweets?
Baba Yaga advice

Is it possible to truly love my partner if I know I could do better?
Baba Yaga advice

How can I make the most of my time?
Baba-time-pressure

How do relationships survive mental illness?
baba-mental-illness

Am I watching too much television?
baba-tv

Top photo via @alice_gao

Babe Vibes for your Monday morning

Screen Shot 2015-08-23 at 7.05.06 PM

Hi Hart Beat. Here it is again, Monday morning. While I love my job, Monday’s can still get the better of me (especially after a wonderfully restful weekend). On Friday our girl Jo linked to a great site called The Pep Talk Generator that I think deserves a little bit of our attention right now.

Life is hard, you know that already. If you didn’t know that you probably wouldn’t be here reading this. But knowing almost makes things easier doesn’t it? You’ve done this before, you’ve felt this before, and yes it sucks but you’ve overcome it every single time. Your talent, intelligence, beauty, and boobs are greater than whatever thing this is. They will outshine your problems every time. You are a babe, and do you know what babes do? They fight back. And they win. So get back in the ring and earn yourself a KO. And never forget: Babes Fight Back.
Winter Sherrod

The project is run by a collective of baller women called Babe Vibes who conduct interviews with other baller women and make projects with the interviews. One of the projects that Babes Vibes has pulled together is a real live happy thought generator that you can read over and over again this morning to get a little positivity in this Monday morning.

The first (and best) quote that I got is the one above here but I’ve also pulled together some of the other inspirational words so that you can get a whole lot of loving without even clicking your mouse.

Hey you. Good news: No one knows what they are doing. Better news: You get to make mistakes. Best news: You get to keep trying again until you find the right fit. So… focus on one thing and one day at a time. Keep your head down. Work hard. Fail quickly. Move on. Go!
Elise Blaha Cripe

You rock. You might not realize it at times, but you really do. You have a unique voice and outlook that is worth sharing. Sometimes you may question this because you see others doing things cool things. You want to do those cool things too? Go ahead and do them. Experiment, get creative, start that project you have been dreaming about. The only thing standing between you and what you want to be doing is (spoiler alert)… DOING IT. Go for it, babe. Focus on what you love. Try to enjoy every minute of it and build something you are proud of.
Amy Tangerine

Get it, girl.
Jordan A. Smith

Protect Your Heart

Top photo via me and bottom photo via @isabella.chan

John Steinbeck on Falling in Love

John Steinbeck on Falling in Love

Hi Hart Beat. How’s your night going? I haven’t written a lot of love notes to you recently but tonight I came across this amazing letter that John Steinbeck wrote to his eldest son Thom on the importance of waiting for love. Love has been on my mind a lot lately (hi Pedro) and the letter hit home on so many different levels.

John Steinbeck on Falling in Love

I love the last line of his letter, “Nothing good gets away.” I think that there is something so true to this, Hart Beat. I always think and tell my friends that the right thing or relationship is happening because it is happening. That’s not to say that things happen for a reason but, when things go smoothly there’s usually a reason. 

So what do you think, Hart Beat? Do you have someone you love in your life? If you do but you’re not together then I think you should take Steinbeck’s advice and tell them. He’s right, “there is no possible harm in saying so.”

New York
November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

Falling in love

Top photo by Rennie Ellis and bottom source.

Dear Sugar Podcast coming in 2015!

Hello my Hart Beat family. Long time no see! To break the radio silence that I have sadly been having on my end, I want to share some amazing news! Our favorite advice columnist and longtime life and love advocate Sugar (aka Cheryl Strayed) has given us the best gift this holiday season, a Dear Sugar Podcast!!
This December 15th WBUR, Boston’s public radio station, gave us Sugar fanatics a little episode teaser that explains the idea behind the weekly podcast and gives us a taste for the amazingness coming soon. The podcast is an advice column done over the radio (similarly structured to Dan Savage’s Lovecast, another favorite of mine) with people writing in asking for advice.
The podcast is hosted by none other than Cheryl Strayed herself and is joined by the other, less known, Sugar of Dear Sugar, Steve Almond. As the podcast explains in the first few minutes, Steve was actually the original writer behind The Rumpus advice column and reached out to Cheryl to take over the advice column after she wrote in as a fan. I can’t wait to add a little Sugar to my life every week this new year, and hope you’re just as excited as I am.

Jason Isbell and Amanda Shires: The new Johnny and June

Jason Isbell and Amanda Shires at Bonnaroo in 2013 (David McClister)

Hey Hart Beat. I hope your Tuesday night is going well. I am so glad to finally be sitting down to write. After work I was busy running errands and doing laundry but the whole time I was thinking about how much I want to share this post with you!

Over the weekend while driving up to Maine I caught up on some of my favorite playlists. A new one just starting up from my beloved WNYC (‘sup Soterios) called Death, Sex & Money by Anna Sales was at the top of my list. And Hart Beat, it’s amazing! You have to listen to it! The episode that struck me the most was Anna’s most recent installment called “Confessions of a Nashville Power Couple.” That title, um… yes please.

In the episode host Anna speaks with country singing couple Jason Isbell and Amanda Shires. Their story is amazing and the two go into great detail in the podcast about their troubles with trust, alcohol abuse, career success and navigating a relationship in such a complicated world. I could listen to them talk all day.

One of the best parts of the episode (other than hearing such great life advice from people with southern accents) was being introduced to both Jason and Amanda’s work. I am in love, Hart Beat. Their music is amazing. Each have debuted a solo album in the last year and have set off on their own to create a following. They are both work listening too. I’ve put a great rendition of the couple singing “Cover Me Up” live but you should listen to the entirety of both Southeastern and Down Fell the Doves. My personal favorites are “Stockholm” and “Bulletproof. Gah, I can’t get enough.

P.S. It was only mentioned once but the similarities between Amanda and Jason and Johnny and June are uncanny. I can’t wait what comes next from these two.

The Man’s Guide To Love: We are the result of love

Happy Christmas Eve, Hart Beat! Tonight before you all go off to celebrate this beautiful night I wanted to share with you one of my favorite sites about love to browse. The series is called “The Man’s Guide to Love“and the premise is the artist travels all over the country and ask men this simple question; “If you had one piece of advice that you’d give another man about love, what would it be?” The answers are then published on the website every day. This video bellow of Alain and is one of my all time favorites of the series. Merry Christmas loves!

“Love is the beginning. 
It’s the end and it’s even the middle. 
That is to say, without love nothing exists. 
One enters the world with love. 
Because if there isn’t love between the father and mother, between a man and a woman, well, then neither you, nor me, 
we wouldn’t be here. 
So if we are here we are the result of love.”